This is the one. The one you want to grow old with, or least grow with for a year and a day. You think you're ready for a handfasting. And you know just when you want to do it too. So what now? And what can you expect? Is it legal? Is it okay to do it just for a year and a day? And who knows the answers?
Ideally, the first thing that a couple considering a handfasting would do would be to contact Pagan clergy. They should be able to answer most, if not all, of your questions about handfastings. Hopefully, through community involvement, the couple would know several Pagan clergy members, and if they are members of a coven, their own coven leaders would be Pagan clergy. If not, talking with other local pagans can generally help the couple to locate Pagan clergy willing to officiate.
Connecting with Pagan clergy really is the first step. It's very easy to get caught up in choosing the clothes, finding a location, determining who to invite, picking the flowers, etc. But meeting with clergy (you may not like the first Pagan clergy you meet with) is really the first step. Most Pagan clergy hold mundane jobs, so finding someone available for the date you've chosen may require your date to have some flexibility. Most Pagan clergy do not charge for their services, but some do, so be sure to ask. Traditionally, clergy is given a thank you gift for their services - especially if they do not charge for the service.
Generally, when you meet, the clergy will ask you questions about each of you as individuals, and as a couple. Pagan clergy accept a measure of spiritual responsibility for you as a couple and they will want to be satisfied that you are ready for this step. If you are still undecided about whether you want the traditional "a year and a day" handfasting or a legal binding, clergy can help you with the decision process.
Also, you will have questions of your own. If this is to be a legal binding, then you will want to be certain that the clergy you have chosen is licensed in your state to perform weddings; if not, you will have to find another Pagan clergyman to perform the ceremony. You may want to know what their credentials are as clergy. Anyone with an Internet connection can be legally ordained, and for about $15 more, be licensed in most states. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, you may have specific qualifications that you are looking for, for this most sacred of events.
If this is to be a legal ceremony you will need to file for a marriage license and take any tests required in your state. Clergy will sign your license at the ceremony, but it is your responsibility to file it with the appropriate state offices.
Once you and the clergy are in agreement to work together on the handfasting the next issue is the ceremony. Most couples write their own ceremonies and clergy are generally more than happy to suggest resources and help fine tune wordings and details about the ceremony itself. If you need clergy to provide the ceremony now's the time to speak up because it is not assumed that clergy will write the ceremony for you. If clergy is responsible for the ceremony, more than likely, it will come from a book or the clergy's Book of Shadows. Most clergy prefer to help the couple write their own ceremony.
Now that clergy is involved and the ceremony is chosen, now's the time for all of the mundane preparations. It can be as simple, or as big a blow out as you choose, but clergy is not involved for this phase of the preparations.
It's a good idea to plan on a rehearsal, either the evening before the ceremony or perhaps as much as the weekend prior, but do plan on a rehearsal. If your ceremony is complex with multiple speaking parts, etcetera, it is your responsibility to make certain everyone has and knows their parts. Index cards are great. The more complex the ceremony, the more vital a rehearsal. Everyone should know where they are to stand, when they are to speak or perform actions, and where everything will be on the altar or within the circle if they are to light candles, call upon the elements, etc.
Unlike a Christian ceremony which normally takes place in a church, most pagan ceremonies will involve an altar, candles, and often a circle. The couple determines, prior to the ceremony itself, if a circle will be cast, what will be present on the altar and any other necessary elements of the ceremony. The couple and the clergy should be in agreement on these issues, with the clergy communicating any special needs or requirements prior to the ceremony (such as, the circle must face a particular direction, elements and tools required on the altar). These items should be prepared in advance by the couple, just as the clothing, decorations, food, music, etc., have been. If you need or want clergy to be responsible for the altar or any other portion of the arrangements, make sure to communicate that need. Otherwise your clergy will be expecting to bear the responsibility of spiritual leadership for the ceremony, and spiritual balm for the participants - but may arrive unprepared to do anything else.
When the day of your event arrives, hopefully with good preparation and a good rehearsal, all you will have to worry about is speaking loudly. The ceremony will go much faster than you think it will - especially considering all the time that goes into planning for it!
